A wife and mother discusses how a woman should respond to infidelity, including by surpassing the appeal of a husband’s mistress, in this self-help guide.
In 2013, on her way to a midweek church service, Bassey, who had been “praying for God’s guidance, a divine idea, and direction in my life,” got the idea for this book, most specifically its title. She emphasizes that she doesn’t intend for women to physically harm their husbands’ mistresses but instead to “beat” these rivals by both forgiving their husbands and reclaiming their marriages, including addressing the issues and attractions that made their spouses stray, thus avoiding the unnecessary destruction of divorces. She divides her book into three parts: “Courtship and Marriage,’ in which she encourages careful focus in marriage preparation, including premarital counseling and crafting and honoring wedding vows; “Your Husband Has Cheated,” which includes using a “honey mouth” when confronting a spouse about infidelity (“Every problem has a solution, be it favorable or not. If the woman is guilty as charged of some of the blames, the man can share his concerns with his wife and work together to resolve it”); and finally, “Beating the Mistress,” her advice on “surpassing the mistress in those areas that attract your husband and lead to infidelity.” Tips include dressing attractively, repressing the urge to nag, and providing home-cooked meals at least occasionally. She concludes by noting that the “most powerful asset” in saving a marriage is prayer, providing samples to “modify…accordingly as needed.”
Debut author Bassey (who despite the “my” in her book’s title doesn’t reveal any personal experience with infidelity) makes a fervent case for a woman to work through a husband’s cheating and triumph over his mistress. While the author’s focus on prayer and her emphasis on women standing by their men (including expressing admiration for Camille Cosby and Hillary Clinton) may be unappealing to some readers, she raises valid points regarding women’s accountability in remaining alluring to their partners and exercising caution concerning divorce, especially when children are involved. She strongly advises against rushing into a divorce given its lasting ramifications.
A sincere primer on honoring and upholding the sanctity of marriage.